bodyetal: Riley, a pale scene kid with a black undercut, poses holding an enormous sharpie and sticking their tongue out at the camera. They are standing underneath Sharpie writing that reads “SCENE KIDZ RULE” in leetspeak. (GL1TZ1)
yesterday (feb 5) marked 4 yearz of us identifying as plural!!! even tho we probably had our syscovery at least a year earlier, we were konvinced we “didnt kount” for agez, meaning we dont know that og date and also dont rlly celebrate it.

but we celebrate this 1!!

we had a bit of a crisis a week ago, and while we’re ok now, our functioning haznt returned 2 normal. if we were more in our regular state wed have made a nicer post, but i think this workz 4 now!

we still did some nice stuff 4 ourselvez, tho!! the kiddo got new clothez (they havent owned any clothing in 2+ yearz), i got new kraft suppliez, TW has a new pen, and krow got a new skirt. i also finally got permission 2 kut our hair, tho i havent gotten around 2 it!

we’re rlly tired, and a bit stressed, but rlly happy. we luv having each other X)
bodyetal: Four rings (the plural emblem) in red, purple, navy, and gold. There is a safety pin icon in the center. (safety pins)
[Riley’s foreword:]
this iz written from my experience, + while im rlly frustrated at the lack of writing on this from the perspective of ppl like me, i don’t like writing informational stuff @ all. i kant write in a professional style, i’m not rlly that good of an educator, and more importantly i dont want 2 be. instead, this is being written (@ my request) by my headmatez, using only my perspective. u kan think of it as an interview.
i would like 2 politely ask that system hosts with experiences of dormancy (either their own or of mourning a headmate’z) not make this post about themselvez. trust me, i kno hostz experience dormancy trauma. it’z the only kind ive ever seen discussed.

———

Dormancy is rarely talked about, and when it is, it generally only focuses on the host perspective.

Read more... (CW: Dormancy, trauma/PTSD, host bias, pluralphobia) )
bodyetal: Four rings (the plural emblem) in red, purple, navy, and gold. There is a safety pin icon in the center. (safety pins)
Riley has been having a rough time of things the past couple days, mostly regarding not being treated—and not living—like a person, including treatment by people who in theory respected their person. And I’ve been having trouble with our eating disorder—not in a “I’m opposed to eating” sense (I absolutely am not!), but in forgetting that I need to. It is very easy for me to skip meals without noticing, especially on weeks like this where my schedule is wonky.

Anyway, last night, Riley had the realization that pog couldn’t remember their last proper meal. The body was fed, but pog couldn’t remember eating anything but candy or cake while fronting for months, if not over a year. Pog was already feeling terrible about not being treated like a real person*, so pog decided they were going to eat proper food: leftover Kraft macaroni.
(*post intentionally access-locked)

And it was great. It hadn’t occurred to that until just that moment how humanizing it was to eat food—and how dehumanizing it was not to. None of us have much of a desire to eat for the sake of eating, just to eat for body fuel or to have our very favorite foods, and Riley’s favorite foods are mostly… well, not food. (Airheads and Monster Energy do not count, have never counted, and will never count.)

One of the only evolutionary traits truly unique to humans is that we cook food. Cooking food has a profound social, cultural, and evolutionary impact on humans. To cook is to be human, and even if that cooking is microwaving mac ‘n’ cheese, it makes us feel like a person.

I’ve found myself cooking for the sake of my own selfhood, too. The first time I actually cooked a meal (like, with ingredients), I was so emotional for a reason I couldn’t quite place. Part of it was what it meant for my eating disorder recovery, my independence, my disability. But now I’m sure part of it was that it was such a fundamentally human act, and one I’d been deprived of all my life.

Riley’s planning to find a kind of meal that pog both likes and can easily cook. We’re too disabled for super involved cooking—fifteen minutes of standing is our hard limit—but Riley isn’t exactly someone with a highly refined palette. Pog doesn’t want a Michelin Star, pog wants humanity.
bodyetal: Riley, a pale scene kid with a black undercut, poses holding an enormous sharpie and sticking their tongue out at the camera. They are standing underneath Sharpie writing that reads “SCENE KIDZ RULE” in leetspeak. (riley)
us posting AGAIN? omg!!!

2day (halloween—technically yesterday ig) was my birthday! and i celebrated by going to the samhain masquerade at the songbyrd music house, a halloween concert/drag show/costume kontest/party!!

im not much of a writer but holy fuck i LOVED IT. i’m not goth, but i jive w/ the music (esp being scene/emo) and all the songs were bangerz. and i danced. and danced. and DANCED!!!! holy fuck, i kant remember the last time i did, and my little raver heart rlly fucking needed it!!! goth dancing is amazing 4 me becuz it’z so weird and judgement-free, and i danced the entire 3 and a half hourz i was there. our hipz, back, and neck hurt like a motherfucker but it wuz so worth it.

when the performancez were over and it wuz the DJz turn, i moved around the floor, doing weird goth dancez with a bunch of ppl for every song!! g0d, dancing with ppl is amazing. did a lot of overdramatic faux-romantic dancing 2 tainted love, dont u want me baby, and the killing moon—including a truly beautiful moment with a full-blown fall guy.

anyway plz listen to cemetery sex and oh violet if u remotely like goth or rock music, theyre amazing!!!
might add picz later but i rlly need to sleep—we have class tomorrow!!!!

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